6 most stupid wars in history

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

At all times, people have been willing to fight each other for the strangest reasons.

1. War of the tureen

For more than a century, the northern Netherlands, aka the Republic of the United Provinces, enjoyed independence, and the southern Netherlands were under the yoke of the Holy Roman Empire. The former used the Scheldt River for navigation, while the latter closed access to it. Because of this, the United Provinces prospered, while the Southerners, on the contrary, were not at all happy.

In 1784, Holy Roman Emperor Joseph II decided that he would stop tolerating the tyranny of the northerners and that he also wanted to drive his merchant ships down the river.

In general, the Majesty could have simply asked politely, but this, apparently, was beneath his dignity. So he equipped a group of three armed ships, led by the ship Louise, and dispatched the Dutch to put them in place. The emperor was sure that the impudent people would not dare to offer any resistance. Fortunately, those even had no normal artillery.

However, the Dutch did not need it. As soon as Louise approached the northern Netherlands along the Scheldt, the warship Dolphin was sent to intercept it. Further events unfolded as follows.

Dolphin fires one shot 1.

2. from a cannon. The cannonball breaks the hot tureen on Louise's deck. Her crew capitulates immediately. Everything.

Well, what, it's scary, they suddenly kill someone.

Having lost his flagship, the emperor went berserk and sent troops to the Netherlands. Brave soldiers captured the old fort of Lillo, which by that time had long been abandoned and used as a vegetable garden. They blew up the dams that stood there and provoked a flood with fatalities.

The Dutch turned to France, which at the time was an ally of Joseph II. The French, seeing what the Austrian emperor had done, forced him to start negotiations with the Netherlands.

As a result, Austria paid the Dutch 9, 5 million guilders in compensation for the riots, plus half a million for flood damage. In addition, the Netherlands continued to control the Scheldt and to tear duties from everyone who sailed there.

So the Holy Roman Empire was put to shame, having lost a hefty sum and a tureen in the war with Holland, and in the end did not achieve anything.

2. War over the bakery

In 1828, a wave of civil unrest and looting traditionally rolled through the sunny city of Mexico City. One of the victims of the unbelievable Mexican officers who staged another military coup was a French émigré named Remontl. His little bakery 1.

2.

3. was plundered.

The Mexican authorities received a claim for damages from the victim, which they immediately ignored. Therefore, Remétel appealed to the French government for compensation. The officials accepted the petition and pushed it further - to thousands of the same letters, to which no one was particularly going to answer from the very beginning.

It lay there for 10 years, until it accidentally caught the eye of not someone, but King Louis-Philippe himself.

He read the message and was indignant: how is it, the French subjects are offended, look what they have in mind. Bring the globe here, we will look for this Mexico.

Again, France then actively traded with Mexico, and taxes in it were higher than those of the States. It was necessary to solve something with this. The king commanded to combine business with pleasure: to show the Remontl that his homeland had not forgotten him, and to press the Mexicans to the nail.

In general, in October 1838, the French fleet arrived in Mexico and set up a blockade of the city of Veracruz. France demanded that the Mexican government pay for the destruction of the bakery. An amount of 60,000 pesos was announced. Moreover, the bakery shop of Remontl was valued at about 1,000 pesos. And the rest - well, this is for 10 years the interest has run up.

Mexico refused to pay. Then the ships began shelling the citadel of San Juan de Ulua, killing 224 defenders killed and wounded. The Mexicans threw all their forces into battle with the French. The famous General Antonio López de Santa Anna even returned from retirement to lead the defense of Veracruz.

But nothing came of it: the Mexicans, under pressure from Britain, which intervened in the showdown, signed a peace treaty. The country was forced to pay as much as 600,000 pesos, or 3 million francs, 10 times the amount originally requested. Mexico agreed with the imposed conditions, but still did not pay anything (this will backfire on it with the next French invasion in 1861).

General Antonio Lopez de Santa Anne, who was fighting the French, was shot off his leg with buckshot, and he buried the lost limb with military honors. Perhaps, in his heart, he wondered whether it was worth returning from retirement, if in the end everything turned out so badly.

In 1870, the French Empire finally ended, and the conflict with Mexico was forgotten. And Remontel, for the sake of whom this whole whirlwind supposedly began, did not receive anything for his destroyed bakery.

3. War for Jenkins' ear

In 1738, a British sailor named Robert Jenkins appeared before Parliament. He showed his ear in alcohol to the House of Commons.

2.

3. in the bank, and gave a dramatic account of how he lost it.

Seven years ago, Jenkins' ship returning from the West Indies was stopped by a Spanish patrol ship on suspicion of smuggling. Although there was no fault of the crew, the Spanish Coast Guard officer ripped off Jenkins' ear with his saber to show what happened to the smugglers.

Back home, Jenkins filed a complaint with the crown. His testimony was transmitted to the Duke of Newcastle, Secretary of State for the Southern Department. He forwarded them to the commander-in-chief of the colonies in the West Indies. The Commander, in turn, sent a report of Jenkins' misadventures to the Governor of Havana.

So the sailor's complaint wandered around the authorities for seven years, until finally Britain needed a reason for war with Spain - territorial disputes: Florida was not divided.

And "the empire, over which the sun never sets," instantly remembered that her subject was being offended.

In general, this whole story with the ear was sewn with white thread. Jenkins was constantly confused about details. Now Captain Juan de Leon Fandinho cut off his ear, then a certain Lieutenant Dorse, then in general some Fandino. The Spaniards tied him to the mast before committing this cruelty, then they chopped him off in a scuffle. That ship they called "Guarda Costa", then "La Isabela". Even the name of the victim was confused from report to report: sometimes he was Robert, sometimes - Charles.

But the British government dismissed this nonsense: there is a sailor, no ear, it seems like the Spaniards are to blame for this. Let's fight, and we'll figure it out. In late 1739, Britain began a two-year war in Spanish-owned Florida.

Then, back in Venezuela, they fought, staged naval battles in the Caribbean, fought with the Spaniards and the French who joined in the fun because of the territories of weakened Austria … In general, the turmoil in which about 25,000 people died or were wounded for all the time, dragged on …

This conflict, jokingly called "The War for Jenkins' Ear," ended only in 1748. Then everyone forgot about the severed part of the body, Spain and Britain reconciled, the agreements were signed, and nothing, in general, has changed. Whether it was worth even starting a showdown is a mystery.

4. War of the Golden Stool

Here's a quick tip for you - just to be on the safe side. If you go to someone to visit, and he has a golden stool in the middle of the room, do not sit on it unless the owners specifically ask you to. It is important. Even so little can lead to bloodshed.

In Ghana, West Africa, the Ashanti people live. It was after him that the pop singer was named, and not vice versa, keep in mind. They have many interesting and ancient customs, but the Ashanti is especially distinguished by a fiery love of stools. The latter are called asendwa 1.

2. and are not perceived as furniture, but as religious objects. It is believed that the stool contains the souls of all the dead, as well as living, but not yet born, members of the tribe.

Only matriarchs of families sit on asendwa and only on major holidays. And when the stool is not in use, it stands against the wall so that passing souls can sit on it and relax.

Asendwa is a symbol of power and is associated with the personality of the tribal leader. When he dies, the Ashanti say, "His stool fell off."

Asendwa, the repositories of the souls of families, are in every house in Ghana, but the most important stool in the state is the Golden one (in general, it is wooden, it is simply called that). She belonged to the leader of the entire Ashanti empire, while such still existed. To this day, the sacred golden stool is on the flag of the Ashanti people.

This thing is so sacred that even the king has no right to sit on it - he only pretends to squat slightly, without touching the seat, during the inauguration. The rest of the time, the king sits on a simpler chair, and the Golden Stool stands next to him … on his own throne. Yes, a separate chair for the chair.

As you can imagine, disrespect for such a valuable artifact is fraught with certain consequences.

In 1900, the lands of Ashanti as a colony were ruled by the British Empire. However, they retained their sovereignty and the right to self-government. Governor Frederick Hodgson, who commanded the British colonies on the Gold Coast, did not like this very much. And he, along with his wife Mary Alice Hodgson and a small detachment of soldiers, went to the capital of Ashanti, Kumasi, to remind the savages who was in charge.

Ashanti greeted the governor cordially, and their children even sang "God Save the Queen" for his wife. Inspired by a good reception, Hodshson gave a speech in which he explained that he rules on behalf of Her Majesty, and therefore must concentrate in his hands all the fullness and breadth of power. So, he is supposed to sit on the Golden Stool.

The tribal leaders silently listened to Hodgson, and then got up and left to prepare for war. More than 12,000 Ashanti warriors attacked the British, laying siege to Kumasi. And those, in order to protect their colonists, brought in troops. As a result of three months of fierce hostilities, about two thousand Ashanti were killed, the British lost a thousand soldiers.

And all this because of the pompous bureaucrat, who took it into his head to sit on some kind of stool.

Hodgson, who fled with difficulty from Kumasi with his wife, was transferred to Barbados out of harm's way. Major Matthew Nathan was appointed governor in his place. He knew more about customs and was extremely tactful in negotiations with the Ashanti. The latter preserved their Golden Stool intact, which to this day is a relic of their people.

5. War for bird droppings

Officially, this armed conflict, which took place in December 1878 between Chile and Bolivia, was called the Second Pacific War. Unofficially - the Saltpetre War, or the War for bird droppings.

Guano, that is, the feces of birds and bats, was one of the main exports of Bolivia and neighboring countries. It was possible to get saltpeter from it, which served as a fertilizer for agricultural crops. And, more importantly, it was used in the production of gunpowder.

The Chilean government, under the patronage of Britain, mined 1.

2. guano in huge quantities and sent it to Europe. Bolivian ruling elites for a bribe from the British gave the Chileans the right to duty-free mining of raw materials. For a long time, the main national wealth of Bolivia was pumped out and left overseas in tons.

But suddenly the Bolivian parliament decided that it was enough to endure it, and imposed taxes on the extraction of guano.

And when the outraged Chileans and British refused to pay, the Bolivians simply confiscated all property from all companies that extracted bird droppings on their territory. Chilean President Anibal Pinto annexed the Bolivian city of Antofagasta because of the 5,348 inhabitants, 4,530 were Chileans. Bolivia has declared war on Chile. Peru joined the conflict on the side of Bolivia.

In the end, Chile won the victory because Britain was behind it. And the extraction of guano continued on the same terms. Bolivia lost about 25,000 people killed and wounded, and another 9,000 were taken prisoner.

The province of Antofagasta was never returned to it, so the Bolivians also lost access to the sea, which they still cannot accept. And to this day they celebrate the day of the Navy in memory of the fact that once the coast of Antofagasta belonged to them. In honor of this, Bolivian women dye their eyelashes blue and dress up children in vests.

6. War over an escaped dog

Finally, here's a story about how loving dogs sometimes leads to dire consequences.

For a long time Bulgaria had strained relations with Greece due to their territorial conflict. Couldn't decide who would get Macedonia. But, despite the provocations on both sides, for the time being, peace remained.

However, one day, in 1925, a Greek border guard lost his dog. He noticed her running away towards the Bulgarian border at the Demir-Kapia pass, and chased her. Bulgarian sentries saw an armed man running towards them and shot him.

This was the pretext for a war, in which 10,000 Bulgarian soldiers and 20,000 Greek soldiers took part.

The conflict killed 171 soldiers before the League of Nations intervened and persuaded the parties to cease fire. Greece had to pay Bulgaria 45,000 pounds sterling (3 million Bulgarian leva) in damages, and Bulgaria paid compensation to the family of the unfortunate Greek. The dog, by the way, was never found.