How to date a geek: the secrets of a strong relationship

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Details of what you can and cannot do in a relationship if your boyfriend is a geek.

Who are the geeks

The word "geek" came to the Russian language quite recently, but it is already firmly entrenched in it. Geek from the English geek - bore, smart guy, fan. Not to be confused with a nerd, who is just bespectacled and can either be a geek or just wear glasses.

The absolute embodiment of the geek - Sheldon from the TV series "The Big Bang Theory". In real life, geeks are still closer to Johnny Galecki: more friendly and a little less boring.

What problems will you face

Doesn't see the obvious

Psychologically, a geek is a schizoid, and this is not a diagnosis, but a psychotype. Often such people think globally, but do not see what is happening under their noses, and in this they somewhat resemble a person with binoculars. Clever in complex things, but helpless in the elementary.

Solution

It is necessary to accept this feature. Focusing on your projects does not mean that the geek does not care about you, it just now he is thinking in a parallel universe. Agree on a specific time that he will devote only to his work, and which - to communicate with you. Take care of the geek in everyday matters. Don't replace your mother, just be there.

Not sure of myself

Geeks tend to be insecure. But in many ways this is a consequence of the fact that self-confidence is inversely proportional to upbringing. In geeks, this is especially noticeable, since the unwillingness to stand out is compensated by defense mechanisms: a tendency to privacy, strict selection of the company.

Solution

Remind the geek of their accomplishments at work or school. In every possible way support his aspirations to take part in a conference or some kind of round table. Gradually, through the experience of communicating with like-minded people, he will come to the point that he himself begins to lecture and gain that very confidence.

Looks untidy

Many geeks dress untidy, so when a HR officer needs to find an IT specialist for a company, he is warned that a sysadmin's sloppy appearance is not a reason to refuse him. For geeks, conservatism in clothing is very characteristic, which formed and stuck at the level of 14-15 years.

Solution

Everything is quite simple here. The geek is ready and can change. Be extremely correct, do not press and offer options.

Sometimes behaving tactlessly

Geeks do this not out of malice, but because they do not understand how they can offend another with their truth. Geeks don't have very good communication skills. Their companies are small, they spend little time for communication. Sheldon is a prime example of how the geek's social deprivation leads to such inability.

Solution

Indicate if some words hurt you or offend others. Geeks are not very good with the empathic component of communication, but everything is fine with analytics. Be sure he will remember your recommendations for sure if they are voiced calmly.

Introduce him to your friends. Just let the first meeting take place not at a noisy party, but in the format of an evening with board games or going to the cinema. This will immediately open up common topics of conversation, and your geek will organically join the company of your friends.

Monstrously boring

Sometimes the geek is worried about the smallest details that seem insignificant to others. But without them the picture becomes imperfect for him.

Solution

The solution depends on the situation. If we are talking about his personal affairs and space, then let him do as he knows. But his claims about the color shade of the chairs in the living room can be disputed, since this is already a common area.

What you need to be prepared for

Prepare for a ton of oddities to deal with if you want to live with a geek. As a rule, these oddities are harmless. For example, 10 transformers can live on a shelf near a computer. And for a geek, it will be completely normal. Or he might get involved in collecting and collecting Marvel comics on a particular topic.

Geeks devote a lot of time to their hobbies. Humble yourself.

They are very fond of games, moreover, difficult ones, with an intricate plot or a large number of cards and rules. The geeks' favorites are Dungeons & Dragons, Empire Twilight, Arkham Horror and others. For a lot of people, this is a very strange activity - to devote time to a game that can last from 8 hours to several days.

Computer games are also preferred by complex ones. If these are aviation games, then the geek's choice will fall on a flight simulator that is as close to reality as possible. You yourself will not notice how the computer will acquire the right pedals for control, special joysticks, and the boom will enjoy fighting in the air with other players.

But your geek might also be interested in a submarine simulator. Most of the time, nothing will happen in the game! The boom sits in the submarine and calculates with a ruler (everything is real!) The movement of the torpedo, taking into account the force of the current and the displacement of the enemy ship. Then he shoots - and past. And he thinks in a new way.

Their hobbies can be unusual, perhaps somewhat childish, or seemingly pointless.

Try to join the geek's interests. It is possible that you will like board games too. If you realize that you cannot share these hobbies with the same enthusiasm, then agree on the time that he will devote to his hobby.

If you decide to give him a gift, especially related to his hobby, then it is better to sacrifice a surprise and carefully consult what exactly he needs.

Don'ts with the geek: shortlist

Geeks are very suggestible, inconspicuous and humble, so they are easy to bait. Be careful in your criticism, choose your words.

The geek is very patient, he can withstand psychological pressure for a long time, and then turn around and leave. Don't expect non-verbal cues that he doesn't like something: you may never get them.

The emotional life of a geek takes place inside, and not outside, so he can not always say that something is bothering him.

One should not laugh at his hobbies. If you cannot separate them, then treat with respect. For him, this is a clear marker "friend or foe". Since geeks have complex relationships with society, they carefully filter their environment. It is quite easy to fall out of their circle of interests, and they take ridicule sharply.

Why be with a geek

It all depends on what your expectations of this person are. If you study it, then it is predictable, stable and conservative.

You will learn a lot of new things, perhaps completely unnecessary for you. Get ready for an hour and a half lecture, which will begin with the words: "It's nothing complicated, I'll explain everything to you now."

Geeks are generally quite sensitive. Even if they do not always understand well what the interlocutor is experiencing, they are capable of empathy.

Geeks are very attached and loyal. Including because it is a great success for them to find a good life partner. Having found him once, they will not look for him the second or third. And the way of life does not imply a wide range of communication.

You may have to put in a little more effort to get the geek into some new activity, but it will pay off with interest when he accepts your hobbies as his own.

Any relationship is a series of compromises. A strong alliance is built on respect for each other's interests and the existence of agreements in disputed areas.

Geeks make kind and reliable partners, with whom you will definitely not be bored. Take care of your geek and he will love you.