18 things that piss off in life together

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

About what problems you may face when moving in with a partner, and how to solve them.

1. General blanket

Perhaps in the magical land of the Unicorn there is a huge blanket that is comfortable for both inhabitants of the bed. In the real world, one will be hot, the other will be cold. The main bed game will be to pull the blanket. And even if both are sleeping motionless, it will no longer be possible to wrap yourself in a blanket: one side will always remain without the usual down armor. Unless, of course, you have not won a tug-of-war before.

What to do

Buy a second blanket. Most likely, in this case, you will have to go through a quarrel in the style of "this means that love is over, everyone knows that." But it's worth it.

2. Lack of opportunity to retire

Man, of course, is a social being. But sometimes you just need to be alone. Someone wants, having come home after a hard day at work, to spend half an hour in silence and loneliness, someone wants to allocate Saturday morning for themselves. If your partner wants to spend every minute with you, it can be difficult to explain why it is better not to touch you for a while.

What to do

Talk to your partner. Explain that you need a little loneliness and that this is not a lack of love. Solitude does not necessarily mean that your soul mate has to leave the apartment, disappear from the radar, fly off on an expedition to Mars. Sometimes it’s enough that you just don’t be touched for a while.

3. Mismatch of household habits

The main problem with dirty dishes or things hung on a chair is not in their very presence, but in the fact that one of the couple does not like it. Each of you has been forming habits for years and is in no hurry to get rid of them. Therefore, one does not understand what the problem is, and the other wonders how it is possible not to understand what the problem is.

What to do

It is worth either forming a couple in advance, taking into account everyday habits, or adjusting behavior so that both partners come to a compromise point.

4. Alien relatives

In addition, even an ideal partner can be accompanied by his imperfect relatives. They are not necessarily bad people - just different. Maybe your boyfriend's or girlfriend's mom thinks it's okay to move things on your shelf because she just wants to help. Uncle teaches how to farm. And the second cousin, instead of greeting, asks when will you get married.

Before that, for many years you built relationships with your relatives not at all in order to go this way again. Moreover, you should not step on this slippery slope. It is desirable to maintain normal relations; it is not necessary to endure rudeness and violation of personal boundaries.

What to do

Introduce a rule: everyone takes care of their relatives independently. No mom jumps over the head of her child and does not call his partner to teach life. The aunts were instructed. And, of course, you have already grown up from the age of the sandbox and do not complain that the half took the spatula from you, so your parents do not moderate your quarrels.

5. Different biological rhythms

The owl and the lark are not a couple, perhaps even stronger than the dolphin and the mermaid. When someone next to you jumps up at five in the morning and begins to live cheerfully, and you went to bed only an hour ago, the desire to sleep and the desire to kill are approximately equal in strength. So you woke up at 12, had breakfast, redo your business and gathered for the night promenade. But your partner yawns and goes to bed at 9:00 pm. Now look at the situation from the side of a lark: someone next to you is sleeping all the time, and then calls somewhere when normal people go to bed.

What to do

The first and most obvious answer is to live with someone who has the same biological rhythms. If you haven't already taken advantage of this advice, there are several options for solving the problem. First, set a time when both of you are awake and active, and reserve it for each other. Second: gradually shift your sleep periods until they coincide at least approximately. A fixed working day will help owls wake up early, while early risers will have to make an effort to go to bed a little later.

6. Attempts to change your partner

You have suddenly discovered a pedagogical gift in yourself and you want to immediately tell your partner how he needs to live. It's so easy to pick up your socks and carry them to the dirty laundry basket or brush your hair out of the comb. But if people wanted to be constantly taught in a relationship, they would have stayed with their parents or moved in with their grandmother.

What to do

Grow up. You can say as much as you like what you want to do the best, but who is better? Your partner has lived up to his age beautifully and happily with scattered socks, a certain wardrobe and everything that you are so desperate to remake. If your advice really makes his or her life better, the other half will definitely use it. If you really don't like something, there is a great way - to ask. Yes, it may be uncomfortable and unusual for a partner to do something, but for your sake he will accomplish a feat. Or does not commit - it is already on his conscience.

7. Request for telepathy

Expecting your partner to figure something out on his own is a big mistake that hurts both sides. One person gets upset because his desire, claim, reason for the offense was not guessed, the other feels guilty and does not know where he stumbled. And this cold war makes the atmosphere in the house extremely degraded.

What to do

Stop waiting for your partner to figure it out, because you are "made for each other and understand everything without words." Remember that mastery of speech is a hallmark of a person, and use this gift of nature.

8. Apologies "just in case"

Some people are so reluctant to upset their soul mate that they are ready to apologize for any reason without trying to understand what exactly upset or angered their partner. Hardly anyone cries for the second hour or throws lightning with their eyes just to hear the “sorry” on duty. Especially since this sounds more often than "hello", and you are doing the act for which you apologize for the 51st time.

What to do

Listen, ask leading questions. It's hard to stay sober in the heat of a quarrel, but endless and empty pleas for forgiveness won't solve the problem. And if you think that you are not guilty of anything, it is important to understand at what point your versions of what happened differ. A full-fledged conversation will be long, but the effect of it will be greater.

9. Position of the toilet seat

More often than because of the position of the toilet seat, they quarrel, perhaps, only because of an open tube of toothpaste. And the question of who should raise or lower the lid is almost as old as the one about the chicken and the egg.

What to do

An adequate hygiene requirement is to leave all parts of the toilet clean after themselves. Sometimes it is not enough to raise the toilet seat for this, a general cleaning may be required. The rest is due to the need of the one who went to the toilet: if the toilet seat is lowered, it is raised, if it is raised, it is released. And nobody dies from it.

10. Personal belongings that have become common

When you move out, it is very difficult to explain that you do not like that someone is touching your laptop, although there is nothing reprehensible there. And it is forbidden to take a cup with a screenshot from "Doctor Who". You have a whole list of things in your head that you would like to retain exclusive rights. But now all property is supposedly considered common, and it is not clear how to be.

What to do

Make a list of things that are dear to your heart, not in your head, but on paper. And let the partner do the same. Don't touch these things without permission and the problem is solved.

11. Total control

Your partner's interest in your life has clearly grown into something more unpleasant: you don't just tell where you were and what you did, you must provide a detailed report. And if before living together it looked innocent enough, now you feel as if you are under investigation.

More than trying to control your life, it’s only these same attempts disguised as caring or expressions of love that infuriate. “Don't meet your friends, because it's not safe to walk down the street late,” “You don't love me, otherwise you would have stayed at home with me” are vivid examples.

What to do

The first step is to determine the scale of the problem. Talk to your partner, define boundaries, remind you that you are two different people and the relationship does not make you one organism. Perhaps the chosen one is simply afraid of losing you or is not sure of himself. However, total control can also be a sign of abuse, in which case it is worth fleeing from the relationship.

12. Sexual blackmail

Sex is an activity that should be enjoyable for both. Therefore, his transformation into a bargaining chip or punishment looks rather strange. If someone refuses sex so easily in order to annoy a partner, you will inevitably wonder if he is pretending to be the rest of the time. Well, the exchange of sex for something profitable more likely refers to an ancient profession, and not to a healthy relationship.

What to do

Sexual blackmail doesn't necessarily mean a person is bad. Even the most conscious of us grew up in the same environment, where until recently the topic of sex was treated in a peculiar way. Sexual blackmail can be prompted by a questionable article in a magazine, someone's advice. Therefore, you can try to solve the problem with a confidential conversation.

It is also important not to be confused with sexual blackmail, refusal of intimacy for objective reasons. A person has a right to this, and ignoring the word "no" is violence even in a relationship.

13. Password exchange

The exchange of passwords could be attributed to the item on total surveillance, but often it stands as a separate item, like everything related to behavior on the Internet. History knows moments when people in a relationship demanded from a partner to "take away" likes on someone's photos, to remove all people of the opposite sex from friends. Giving full access to your e-life is half the trouble. It is worse when half of them abuse this right, read correspondence, write messages on your behalf.

What to do

In an amicable way, in a critical situation, the partner should be able to log into your accounts, withdraw money from your card, and so on, so you will have to write passwords somewhere. And you will not insure yourself in any way against using your credentials for other purposes. So, first of all, you have to take care of choosing a decent person.

14. Different views on physiology

Each has its own physiological limits. Someone has developed a whole system of euphemisms to talk about the need to go to the restroom, while someone can easily sit on the toilet while the partner is brushing their teeth. And, accordingly, one is enraged by excessive spontaneity, and the other is another's restraint.

What to do

It is worth setting the boundaries of what is permissible. And in general, it is easier to focus on the attitudes of a more restrained partner and not do with him what you would not have done in a decent society.

15. Public expectations

You have moved in, and people immediately start broadcasting their expectations. You must urgently get married and have a child, the man is obliged to provide for the family, and the woman is to cook borscht. On occasion, unfamiliar people will give you a huge list of things without which your life simply will not work out.

What to do

It is difficult to ignore someone else's opinion, but this is the most effective way. Come up with a couple of witty answers to the most common comments and operate according to the situation.

16. Different attitudes towards money

As long as you had separate budgets, it was much easier. A common life implies joint spending, on which you may have different views. We are not necessarily talking about large purchases: you can quarrel at the stand with soap, figuring out whether it is justified to buy a product with pony milk and the scent of alpine violet, or if you can get by with something cheaper.

What to do

It's worth making a budget and calculating how much money you can spend on what you need. If something expensive fits into the allocated amount, you can give up to the wasteful half of the pair. And there is no trial, just as there is no money for expensive purchases.

17. The need to wait

Before, you would rush out of your apartment and rush out on a date. Now, in order to leave the house somewhere, you have to wait for your partner. Sometimes you have to do this in a winter jacket at the doorstep, drenched in sweat. And contrary to popular belief, women are also often expecting men. It's just that those, thinking that the girl will get ready for a long time, begin to dress at the last second and, of course, do not have time.

What to do

Finally, start gathering in time, and not focusing on external circumstances.

18. Random guests

You were going to spend the evening in pajamas and with a book, but you have a house full of guests who were not invited by you. Your partner gets a fun party, you get upset, a headache, dirty dishes and an empty refrigerator.

What to do

Guests should always be agreed in advance.