10 non-obvious facts about human nature

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

You don't know yourself as well as you think.

1. Our self-perception is distorted

It seems as if our inner world is like an open book. One has only to look there, and you will find out everything about yourself: sympathies and antipathies, hopes and fears - here they are, as if in the palm of your hand. Popular, but fundamentally wrong opinion. In fact, our attempts to more or less accurately assess ourselves are like wandering in a fog.

Psychologist Emily Pronin, who specializes in human self-perception and decision-making, calls The Introspection Illusion and Problems of Free Will, Actor-Observer Differences, and Bias Correction this phenomenon an illusion of introspection. Our self-image is distorted, as a result, it does not always coincide with actions.

For example, you might consider yourself compassionate and generous, but walk past a homeless person in cold weather.

Pronin believes that the reason for this distortion is simple: we do not want to be stingy, arrogant and hypocritical, therefore we believe that this is not about us. At the same time, we evaluate ourselves and others differently. It is not difficult for us to notice how prejudiced and unfair our colleague is towards another person, but we will never think that we ourselves could have behaved this way. We want to be good morally, so we don't think we can be biased too.

2. The motives behind our actions are often inexplicable

Investigating a person's self-perception, one should pay attention not only to his meaningful answers to questions about himself, but also to unconscious inclinations - impulses that arise intuitively. To measure such inclinations, the Does the Implicit Association Test (IAT) Really Measure Racial Prejudice? Probably Not on Hidden Associations of Psychologist Anthony Greenwald.

The test is based on instant reactions that do not require thinking, so it can reveal the hidden sides of the personality. A person needs to make associations between words and concepts by pressing buttons as quickly as possible. So you can find out, for example, who a person considers himself to be: an introvert or an extrovert.

The test for latent associations well determines nervousness, sociability, impulsivity - those qualities that are difficult to control. But it doesn't always work. The test does not measure traits such as conscientiousness and openness to new opportunities. We consciously choose whether to tell us the truth or lie, seek a promotion at work, or sit still.

3. Our behavior tells people more than it seems

Our loved ones see us much better than ourselves. Psychologist Simine Vazire points out to Others Sometimes Know Us Better Than We Know Ourselves two things that help get us to the core quickly.

The first is behavior. For example, sociable people talk a lot and seek company for themselves, while those who are unsure of themselves look away when talking. Secondly, strictly positive or negative traits can say a lot about us, which more than others influence our actions. Thus, intelligence and creativity are always considered desirable qualities, but dishonesty and selfishness are not.

We cannot always control our behavior and reactions, such as facial expressions, shifting eyes or gestures. While others can see it perfectly.

As a result, we often do not notice the impression we make on others, so we have to rely on the opinions of family and friends.

4. Sometimes you need to let go of thoughts to get to know yourself better

Journaling, self-reflection, communication with people are well-known methods of self-discovery, but they do not always help. Sometimes you need to do exactly the opposite - let go of thoughts, distance yourself. Mindfulness meditation will help you know yourself by overcoming distorted thinking and ego protection. She teaches not to concentrate on thoughts, but to let them just float by without touching us. This way you can gain clarity in your head, because thoughts are just thoughts, not absolute truth.

Through this method, we can understand our unconscious motives. Psychologist Oliver Schultheiss proved Goal Imagery: Bridging the Gap Between Implicit Motives and Explicit Goals that our emotional well-being is improved when our conscious and unconscious motives are aligned. We often set ambitious goals without realizing if we need it. For example, we can work hard at work that brings money and power, although we subconsciously want something different.

To understand yourself, you can use your imagination. Imagine in as much detail as possible what would happen if your current dream came true. Will you be happier or not? Often we set ourselves too ambitious goals, without taking into account all the steps that will need to be taken to get what we want.

5. We seem to ourselves better than we really are

Familiar with the Dunning-Kruger effect? This is the essence of it: the less competent people, the higher their opinion of themselves. It is quite logical, because we often prefer to ignore our own shortcomings.

David Dunning and Justin Kruger asked Chapter five - The Dunning – Kruger Effect: On Being Ignorant of One’s Own Ignorance people to solve several cognitive problems and evaluate their results. A quarter of the participants failed the task, but greatly exaggerated their abilities.

If we were realistic about ourselves, it would save us a lot of effort and shame. But overestimated self-esteem seems to have important benefits.

Psychologists Shelley Taylor and Jonathon Brown believe Positive Illusions and Well-Being Revisited Separating Fact From Fiction that people who look at the world through rose-colored glasses emotionally feel much better and work more efficiently. On the contrary, people suffering from depression are often too realistic in their self-esteem.

Embellishing our abilities helps us not to get lost in the ups and downs of everyday life.

6. Those who harass themselves are more likely to fail

While most people think too well of themselves, some suffer from the opposite distortion: they belittle themselves and their own merits. More often than not, feelings of worthlessness are associated with childhood abuse. As a result, this attitude leads to distrust, despair and suicidal thoughts.

It is logical to assume that people with low self-esteem would be glad to hear encouraging words addressed to them. But as psychologist William Swann discovered From 'I Do' to 'Who?' Swann researched marriage and found that praise from their other half was needed by those who already had everything in order with their attitude towards themselves. People with low self-esteem considered marriage to be successful if their partner pointed out their shortcomings. From this research Swann based his Self-Verification Theory:

We want others to see us in the same way as we do ourselves.

People with low self-esteem sometimes even provoke people to humiliation: they deliberately fail their work, deliberately climb under the hot hand. This is not masochism, but a striving for harmony: if everyone around us sees us as we think we are, then everything is in order with the world.

7. We deceive ourselves and do not realize it

Our penchant for self-deception comes from a desire to impress others. To appear convincing when lying, we ourselves must be sure of the truth of our words - first of all, we must deceive ourselves.

For some reason, many are ashamed of their voice and prefer not to hear it in the recording. This feature was exploited by psychologists Ruben Gur and Harold Sackeim, Flavors of self-deception: Ontology and epidemiology. They conducted an experiment by asking subjects to listen to audio recordings of different voices, including their own, and tell them if they could hear themselves. Recognition fluctuated depending on the clarity of the audio in the audio and the volume of the background noise. Then scientists correlated the words of people with the work of their brains. Hearing a person's voice, the brain sent signals "It's me!", Even when the participants in the experiment did not react in any way. Moreover, people with low self-esteem were less likely to guess their voice on the recording.

We kid ourselves to look our best. When students take a test to determine their level of knowledge, there is no point in cheating. The accuracy of the result is important for themselves, so as not to miss something in their education. But students don't want to fail, so they spy on answers or ask for more time.

8. We are confident that our true self is good

Many people believe that they have a solid inner core - the true self. It is immutable, and real moral values are manifested in it. Preferences can change, but the true self never.

Rebecca Schlegel and Joshua Hicks of the University of Texas discovered Feeling Like You Know Who You Are: Perceived True Self-Knowledge and Meaning in Life, how a person's view of their true self influences self-satisfaction. Scientists asked a group of people to keep a diary, recording everyday things and their experiences. The subjects felt most detached when they did something morally questionable: they acted dishonestly or selfishly.

The belief that the true self is morally positive explains why people associate personal accomplishments with their self, but not shortcomings. We do things to boost self-esteem. Psychologists Anne Wilson and Michael Ross proved From chump to champ: People's appraisals of their earlier and present selves that we tend to attribute negative traits to ourselves in the past, not the present.

Is it possible to live at all without faith in the true "I"? Psychologist Nina Strohminger and her colleagues conducted a Death and the Self survey among Tibetans and Buddhist monks who preach the non-existence of self. They found that the less Tibetan monks believed in a strong inner self, the more they feared death.

9. Insecure people act more morally

Self-doubt is not always a disadvantage. People who doubt their positive qualities tend to prove their existence. For example, those who doubt their generosity are more likely to donate money to charity. This reaction can be triggered by negative comments.

If you tell an employee that he does not work much, he will want to prove the opposite.

Psychologist Drazen Prelec explains Self-signaling and diagnostic utility in everyday decision making1 this phenomenon: it is not the action itself that is more important to us, but what it says about us. People continue to diet, even if they lose interest in it, because they do not want to seem weak-willed.

Someone who considers himself generous, intelligent, and sociable does not seek to prove it. But an excess of self-confidence increases the gap between the imaginary and the real: self-confident people often do not notice how far they are from the image they create in their head.

10. If we consider ourselves flexible, we can do better

A person's idea of who they are influences their behavior. Psychologist Carol Dweck found that if we think a feature is volatile, we tend to work harder on it. Conversely, if we are confident that our IQ or willpower is something unshakable, then we will not try to improve these indicators.

Dweck found that people who perceived themselves to be incapable of change were less likely to perceive failure. They see them as proof of their limitations. In contrast, people who believe that talent can be developed over time perceive mistakes as an opportunity to do better next time. Therefore, Dweck recommends to tune in to self-improvement.

In moments of doubt, remember that we still have a lot to learn, and find joy in it.