What not to say to a person who is overwhelmed by negative emotions

A person who is in a state of anxiety disorder of one degree or another loses control over his life. The mechanism that helps us sense danger and take decisive action in an emergency is starting to malfunction in the modern world. People around, seeing a person in such a state, try to somehow support and help him with advice, and often these advice is more harmful than useful.

According to psychologists, the lack of understanding of this state by others and their wrong actions can only aggravate the situation, making it even more difficult to get out of an unstable state.

Many of the things you think are appropriate that can be said in such a situation have a paradoxical effect - anxiety only intensifies. It looks like quicksand. The more drastic efforts you make to get out, the deeper you are sucked in. Saying a banal “calm down” to a person in such a situation, with a high probability, you will increase his anxiety or panic.

In fact, there are more effective ways to provide care that do not aggravate the person's condition.

1. Don't worry about nonsense

What you consider to be nonsense can be very important in another person's world. Trying to give the situation positive, light shades, you, in fact, belittle something very important for this person. Try entering the other person's belief system before saying this. In a state of anxiety or panic, everything matters.

There is no need to convince a person of the insignificance of what happened. Instead, reward tactics need to be applied. Remind him that this has happened to him in the past, and he handled these emotions perfectly. This contributes to overcoming the current state and getting out of it.

2. Calm down

The problem with these states is that they are often uncontrollable. The person would be glad to calm down, but he simply cannot. You need special training and work on yourself in order to take control of your emotional state like this, on command.

Keith Humpreys, a psychiatrist at Stanford University, suggests replacing formulaic ineffective phrases with call-to-action words. Maybe we can take a walk in the park? Shall we meditate? Let's do something together? A calming activity will distract the person.

3. Just do it

To a greater extent, such situations relate to all sorts of fears and phobias. Someone is terribly afraid to fly, but as an argument hears a teasing “just do it”. The problem is that a pressurized call to action or an attempt to take on a weak one can exacerbate the fear, triggering a severe panic attack.

Humpries advises to use another paradox of our thinking, saying phrases like "I'm sorry that this is happening to you." Empathy in this case creates a feeling in a person that he does not need to fight an attack of emotions, and from that moment he begins to calm down.

4. Everything will be fine

Saying this commonplace phrase, you, in fact, never achieve the desired sedative effect. All because they won't believe you. And why will it be all right? An attempt to instill unconfirmed confidence can improve the situation for just a few seconds, and then a person will quickly analyze everything from his position and, not finding and not hearing the reasons why everything will be really good, he plunges deeper into despair.

As strange as it may sound, according to Bia, it is the ability to accept your anxiety, instead of trying to drive it out, that can have a much better effect.

5. I have depression too. What to do?

Another common technique that involves the belief that you feel the same way right now. Even if you do experience the same stress, anxiety, or similar emotions, then in any case, you should not dwell on this state. You all know very well that depression is contagious. It is worth being with a person in such a state, and you yourself involuntarily begin to experience emotional decline.

When trying to support the other on the basis of "equality of states", there is a risk of creating "mutual feeding" of each other with negative emotions. Don't grieve together. The optimal will be a joint distraction for some positive action: the same joint walks and a different pastime.

6. Have a drink

You don't even need to say anything here. Getting drunk and forgetting is sheer nonsense. In the short term, that is, right now, it can help, but in the long term it will lead to alcoholism and clinical depression. Over time, the ongoing emotional problems "supported" by alcohol will only worsen.

7. Did I do something wrong?

The worst thing is when a loved one suffers from negative emotions. If you are not the cause, you will still be inclined to assume that it is your own fault for what is happening. This can lead to attempts to control a person's emotions, which will only worsen the problem. You realize that all your efforts are unsuccessful, and you feel angry or frustrated. By giving up, you move away from the problem as a whole, and the person close to you begins to feel rejected, abandoned, guilty that his emotional problems interfere with others.

The only sure way to help is to give up trying to suppress and control the emotions of loved ones. Support is what is required of you in this situation, and the previous advice will help you to behave more correctly.