How to win over a stranger from the first seconds of communication

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

How quickly we can achieve our goals depends on our ability to build relationships with other people. Someone got this skill from nature, someone was invested in childhood by their parents, and someone, already in adulthood, must develop this skill on their own. In the latter case, our article will help.

When it comes to making a good impression, building trust, we often think of it only in the context of some kind of business relationship. Of course, the skill to quickly find a common language with people is a huge advantage for a person who makes his living by selling. But do not forget that people far from this profession are also daily forced to sell themselves, their ideas, interests, desires and intentions to other people, often strangers.

Below I offer a list of five points. Each point is a practical recommendation that you can follow if your goal is to endear a stranger to you from the first seconds of your communication.

1. Smile broadly

You may find this advice too trivial, but trust me, smiling broadly is the fastest way to build trust.

The big smile is a gesture monkeys use when they want to show other primates that they are not a threat. Man is a primacy. We originate from the same ancestor as the monkeys. And this is inherent in us by nature - to smile and show open palms when we want to win over a person.

And yes, you may not believe in evolution, in common ancestors, and in the fact that man is a primate, but this trick works without it.

Try it and you will see how much easier it is for you to win over a person, how much more willing people will be to listen to you, and how much more comfortable they will feel in your company.

When I use the expression "smile broadly," I do not mean at all that you need to put on an artificial smile all over your face, but only say that you need to try to smile naturally, so that it does not look like a feigned grin. And this skill comes with practice. Two minutes a day in front of the mirror in the morning, when you brush your teeth, will be enough to train a friendly smile.

2. Call the interlocutor by name

If your goal is to gain trust, get the stranger's name and then repeat it three times during your conversation.

Why is the name so important? This is one of the few words that has real value to its owner. Remember, we don't like people who use nicknames instead of names to refer to us. Moreover, the name is one of the most powerful tools for influencing a person. You can say something to the interlocutor, but he will not hear you. One has only to say his name - you will receive all his attention.

Do you want to endear the person to you? Refer to him by name more often. It works in a fantastic way.

3. Put on a doctor's gown

The longer a person speaks, the more he trusts us. The longer we talk, the less sympathy we cause.

Think of people who speak incessantly in such a way that they do not allow others to insert a word. I'm sure I'm not the only one who prefers to cross to the other side of the road, just to avoid meeting such a person. And if your goal is to evoke sympathy for yourself, you should not be among those people.

Don't talk about yourself; instead, take an interest in the other person. Imitate doctors: they do not talk about themselves, but ask leading questions, encouraging the patient to talk more about himself. And then look him in the eye and listen as if he is telling some amazing story.

This advice may seem banal, but take a look around, and you will understand how many people do not do this: they click on the phone, wander their eyes and show that they are not interested in what is happening here.

4. Encourage the conversation with the question "Tell me …"

In the last paragraph, we said that you need to "put on a doctor's gown and listen," but how to get the interlocutor to talk? For these purposes, questions serve. A good question implies a good answer. A bad question leads to a bad answer.

I remember when I started my career as a real estate agent, I often asked people questions formulated as follows: "Why are you selling an apartment?", "Why such a price?" To which he received standard short answers: "We need money!" and "To have enough money!" In such a situation, it was very difficult to maintain a conversation, short answers did not give an opportunity to catch on and draw a person into a dialogue.

A little later, I grew wiser and changed the wording of the questions: "Tell me what circumstances led you to the decision to put your apartment up for sale?" After such questions, I always received a detailed answer, which flowed into a confidential conversation. And trust was my goal.

Then I adapted the phrase "Tell me …" for everyday situations, and it also works great when the goal is to get the non-talkative person talking. And we remember: the more he speaks, the more sympathy he has for us.

Try it.

5. Use compliments to the place

Another powerful tool for influencing a person is a compliment in his direction. But compliments are different.

A good compliment is not what some young people do when trying to impress a girl. It looks unnatural and doesn't work.

The perfect compliment is a compliment to a place.

So, for example, a simple compliment that you like the color of a person's shirt looks much more honest than loud statements that he is the smartest person you have ever met (especially considering the fact that you have known each other for no more than 10 minutes).

I understand that if you are not used to giving compliments to people, then starting to do it can be a difficult task and the first attempts can look fake. But the truth is that everyone has something that you might like about them, just before you weren't set out to see it. Now put it on.

At each new meeting, try to find something that can raise the interlocutor's self-esteem, and let him know about it. It doesn't have to be something complicated, it can all boil down to a beautiful thing in his wardrobe, a delicate act or his character trait. After all, it is not important how important it is to others. What matters is how important it is for a given person.

Practice giving compliments until it becomes a habit.

Conclusion

In this article, I have shared five tips that I use myself to build relationships with other people. But this list is by no means exhaustive and can be supplemented with a few more points.

I want to ask you: what methods, secrets and tips can you add to this list?