What to do if you think you're stupid

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

First of all, you need to work not with erudition, but with self-esteem.

This article is part of the One-on-One Project. In it we talk about relationships with ourselves and others. If the topic is close to you, share your story or opinion in the comments. Will wait!

Why can you consider yourself stupid

You may be familiar with one of these situations:

• You are sitting in a company, and suddenly the audience begins to discuss a topic in which you do not understand anything. It doesn't matter what it is: nuclear physics, the politics of Turkmenistan or the influence of memes on modern culture. The interlocutors argue heatedly, pouring in terms and facts. You have nothing to add, so you sit silently and think: “Well, what kind of dumbass I am? I know nothing!"
• You accidentally confused Manet and Monet, Kant and Comte, or Bebel and Hegel in a conversation, and then lamented for weeks: “How was it possible? What nonsense!"
• You have found a job in a dream company. But we read the description and decided not to send a resume. The list of responsibilities is quite long, and you think that you will not be able to cope: “There are still many candidates better than me. Eh, if I were smarter, I would …"

Often such thoughts interfere with life. But stupidity is a relative concept and depends on what exactly you put into it. For example, is the lack of erudition in some area stupid? No, you're just not good at one topic, but you can be brilliant at another. Therefore, if you consider yourself stupid, there are more questions for self-esteem than for intelligence.

Each of us has ideas about ourselves, about others and about the world in general. How our life develops largely depends on these attitudes. There are positive beliefs that help us cope with life's difficulties and support us. And there are negative ones, which, on the contrary, make you weaker and more insecure. The thought "I am stupid" refers to negative attitudes.

Anna Erkina psychologist

There can be several reasons for the idea of one's own stupidity.

Childhood experience

What important adults say and broadcast, the child takes for the pure truth. If his parents tell him that he is stupid because smart children are only A's, or refuse to listen because he is “talking nonsense,” it is not surprising that even as he grows older, he will consider himself not smart enough.

Adult experience

Many attitudes are formed in childhood, but this does not mean that an adult is not subject to them. For example, the classic tactic of an abuser is to convince the victim that she is stupid, mediocre, and without him capable of anything. Naturally, this is a radical example. Less systemic and painful things can also leave their mark. For example, the boss scolded in front of everyone, and now you doubt your own abilities.

Dunning-Kruger effect

This is a cognitive bias, which consists in the following: the less competent a person, the more likely he is to exaggerate his skills. And vice versa: the more a person knows and knows how, the more modestly he evaluates his experience. In other words, it is not common for stupid people to doubt their intelligence, this is just a feature of those who are smarter.

Impostor Syndrome

It is based on the Dunning-Kruger effect, but it is complicated by anxiety and fear of failure. A sufficiently successful person may constantly question their abilities. It seems to him that his achievements are not connected with personal qualities, but with luck and other circumstances beyond his control. But the deception will surely be revealed, and everyone will see that in fact he is stupid. And it keeps in constant tension.

The habit of comparing

People tend to compare. For example, research shows that Instagram can negatively impact psychological well-being. The reason for this is precisely in the social comparison: it seems to the user that the people from his feed are more beautiful, more successful, live a fuller life. It's the same with intellect: you can meet smart people and, in contrast, consider yourself stupid. Although the second does not follow from the first: someone's beauty, intelligence, success do not devalue the beauty, intelligence, success of other people.

How to stop thinking you're stupid

Analyze the data

Try to find evidence that you are stupid and refutation of it. Psychologist Anna Erkina advises avoiding the phrases “I think” and “I think”. You need facts.

For example, your team lost in a bar quiz and your self-esteem was shattered. But if you think carefully, you can remember that the third place out of 52 teams is not so bad. Yes, and you fell over with questions like "Guess how many times the phrase Ya-ya-ya coco jambo sounded in the song Coco Jambo." So there is nothing to worry about.

Find an alternative explanation

Most likely, the situation is not at all worth branding yourself as a fool. There is probably another interpretation. Consider three examples of circumstances from the beginning of the text:

• I don’t understand nuclear physics, I’m stupid. → I don't understand nuclear physics.
• I know the difference between Bebel and Hegel, well, I'm a dumbass. → It turned out awkward. Confused, with whom it does not happen.
• I will definitely not be hired for this position, because I am stupid. → The list of responsibilities is long. I'll handle half of them well. Another quarter is familiar to me. I haven’t had to deal with the rest yet.

It doesn't sound so radical, and therefore not so destructive.

Form a new belief

Let's say you really don't see the difference between Manet and Monet. You can consider yourself stupid. And you can remember that you are just a person who cannot know everything.

Negative attitudes are not something innate, so they can be changed. That is why the thought “I am stupid, and I will not succeed” must be reformulated so that it ceases to hold you back and demotivate you. For example, changing to "I do not know everything, but I have the opportunity to learn new things and become more erudite."

Be constructive about the problem. Self-flagellation has no prospects. But if you move from the thought “I'm stupid” to finding gaps in your knowledge and filling them, it can help you, for example, in your career. The main thing is to remember about the Dunning-Kruger effect: the more you know, the clearer you become, how little you really know.