7 financial mistakes that can ruin your relationship

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

Unwillingness to discuss budget, selfishness and other behaviors that will make you forget about harmony in a couple.

1. Spent and debt

The inability to manage money makes people take loans. If a lot of debts accumulate, they can turn your whole life, including relationships, into a real nightmare. Calls from collectors, the need to give banks up to 50% of income every month and deny yourself basic things can shake any union.

Situations are especially painful if only one person has received loans, and the second has to pay other people's wishes along with interest, because the budget in a pair is common. Or if a person hides his debt and slowly pulls money from the family budget to pay it.

How to be

Plan expenses with a partner. Ideally, do not take loans unless it is about buying essential items.

2. Withholding income and expenses

This behavior even has a name - financial treason. The reasons may vary. For example, greed and a desire to completely control your money, shame for being unwise with your finances, or fears that your partner will spend money irrationally.

Financial betrayal suggests that there is distrust and secrets in a couple, and these are alarm bells. According to one American survey, 44% of respondents withhold income, savings or loans from a partner. At the same time, 30% of respondents believe that financial betrayal is almost worse for them than physical one.

How to be

Stay honest with your significant other. If you don't trust her and are hiding part of your income, perhaps this is not the person you want at all. If you are ashamed of your spending or do not know how to handle money, it will also be logical to share this problem and find a solution together.

3. Abandonment of budgeting

A survey conducted in 2018 showed that only 38% of Russian families have a family budget. The lack of financial accounting, albeit indirectly, affects the relationship. When partners are clear about where their funds are going and are effectively saving money for large purchases like a car, vacation, or real estate, they feel calmer and more confident. This means that they have fewer reasons for worries and conflicts.

How to be

Try recording expenses and income. Create a notebook, Excel spreadsheet or application for this. Set financial goals for the next year, 5 and 10 years. Calculate how much you need to save to achieve them.

4. Excessive savings

Cost accounting and reasonable savings are good things, of course. But the demands to give up elementary comfort and to account for every penny, sooner or later, will infuriate any person. Hardly anyone wants to stay in a relationship where they are reprimanded for buying four-ply toilet paper instead of two-ply.

How to be

Discuss with your partner which things each of you is willing to give up in order to save money, and which things are not. If you are very annoyed with other people's spending, consider keeping a separate budget.

5. Silence

Everyone has different ideas about finance. Someone lives on a grand scale and says that money cannot be taken to the grave. Some, on the contrary, scrupulously save and make savings. Some believe that family finances should be shared, others prefer a separate budget. Someone wants to save up for a house and a car, while others are interested in traveling around the world.

The topic of money in our society is not openly discussed. It seems to many that talking with a partner about this means making oneself appear mercantile and spiritless. Better to remain silent, and then it will somehow settle itself. But different ideas about money can be the cause of many conflicts: 16% of the surveyed Russian couples quarrel over the management of the family budget, another 32% - because of the lack of money.

How to be

Financial issues must be discussed, and at the dawn of a relationship. How to manage the budget - jointly or separately, who manages the finances (both or someone alone), how to keep track of income and expenses, what to spend money on, what financial goals to set. Even if it turns out that your views are different, you can find a compromise and set the rules.

6. Selfishness

The couple has a common budget, but someone alone believes that he can dispose of this money at his own discretion. For example, buy a new smartphone, although the old one works great, or take a taxi every day while your partner rides the subway and tries to save money. Of course, no one will like that the other half thinks only of themselves.

How to be

Since you are investing in a budget together, spending should also be more or less symmetrical. This is elementary justice and care for a loved one. If you want to manage your money alone, switch to a separate budget, when people throw off for general needs (rent, repairs, household appliances), and spend the rest of the money on their own.

7. Financial violence

This is a situation where one person manipulates another with money. The most common victim of economic violence is someone who for some reason does not have their own income, such as illness, maternity leave or age.

There are plenty of options for financial violence. For example, a manipulator simply does not give his partner money for important expenses, sets conditions, makes him beg for every penny and report on what was spent. Or he threatens to deprive him of some material wealth if a loved one refuses to obey him. It happens that the abuser takes the victim's money and spends it at his own discretion.

Financial threats are considered a form of emotional abuse, and the consequences of this behavior can be very dire. The victim may develop physical and mental health problems, go into debt, and become vulnerable to other types of partner violence.

How to be

Realize that relationships are not about dominance and control, but about love, partnership and mutual respect. Even if you earn more or even support your family, this is not a reason to humiliate a loved one, reproach and use manipulation to get your way. If you are prone to economic (or any other) violence and are aware of this, it is worth contacting a psychotherapist. If, on the contrary, you are a victim, consider how you can secure your financial independence and end the painful relationship.