How to improve relationships with shared rituals

What are joint rituals

Joint rituals are planned, recurring symbolic events in the lives of people who love each other, regular reminders of the relationship between them. They are co-created and express love and care. The term "rituals" is usually used in English-speaking literature, for Russian speakers the word "traditions" is more familiar. It can be either an almost automatic hug upon meeting, or the custom of going to barbecues with the whole family on the May holidays.

Rituals form mutual responsibility for relationships, a sense of belonging, trust and sympathy, increase satisfaction with the relationship, as well as allow a deeper understanding of its meaning and develop a "culture of the two". Such actions are also useful when the relationship has moved to the family level. After all, a family is a group of people, and the stronger the group's rituals, the stronger Powell M. Rituals for Romantics. Psychology Today she is on her own.

Most of these traditions are regularly repeated and may contain elements of routine. However, due to the fact that these events go beyond everyday interaction, people tend to attach symbolic meaning to them.

Why joint rituals are important

In a 2020 article, Illinois researchers argue that sharing rituals allows partners to see each other in a new light and assess how well they fit together. The authors believe that traditions adopted in pairs increase the number of “family” interactions, improve understanding of the essence of relationships and the ability to resolve conflicts.

According to the researchers, from the first dates, people in pairs perform certain actions-rituals: they go to meetings, give each other gifts, try to learn more about each other. Based on this, they decide whether this relationship has a future or not. During the premarital period, sharing traditions can also help build affection and a sense of mutual responsibility, overcome insecurities, and alleviate feelings of anxiety.

Of course, common rituals are not the only one Robinson B. E. To Marry or Not to Marry? Psychology Today is a factor determining future family life. They should be combined with love experiences and character compatibility.

At the same time, the benefits of the rituals that appeared in a pair are preserved even after people decide to tie their lives in marriage. So, in families that have their own traditions, the relationship is stronger Robinson B. E. To Marry or Not to Marry? Psychology Today and more durable. It could be Robinson B. E. To Marry or Not to Marry? Psychology Today anniversaries, birthdays and other holidays, regular dinner parties or going to the movies on weekends. Rituals allow Gottman J., Silver N. Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert. Harmony Books. 2015 spouses understand each other better and communicate more with each other. According to researchers at the Harvard Business School, doing even small, collaborative actions can significantly help overcome the stress of loss and failure.

An important fact is that family traditions are important in raising children. They help develop a sense of responsibility in the child by involving him in common affairs. And joint holidays give him a sense of security and stability. In addition, rituals have a positive effect on health. For example, children in families with their own traditions go to bed on time more often, sleep better, tolerate respiratory diseases more easily, and are generally healthier in preschool age.

Writer, psychotherapist and University of Eastern California professor Brian Robinson believes Robinson B. E. To Marry or Not to Marry? Psychology Today that rituals are extremely important in times of a pandemic, as they help establish new relationships and strengthen existing ones.

What rituals are especially beneficial for relationships

Premarital traditions are generally similar to family traditions, but researchers from the United States also named a couple of specific ones. So, people in love often make plans together and dream about the future, and also get to know each other's relatives.

Among the rituals that are beneficial for both unmarried couples and family relationships, the study authors recommend the following:

Joint pleasant activities: dates and romantic dinners, watching movies and TV shows, hobbies and even shopping.
Expressions of intimacy: declarations of love, compliments, dancing, massage, kissing, sex, and so on.
Communication and interest in each other: calls and correspondence during the day.
Habits and well-established rules: the distribution of household duties, the usual daily routine.
Joint household chores: walking the dog, washing, and so on.
Jokes that only the couple can understand.
Seizing opportunities to spend time alone with each other.
Visiting "selected" places (favorite cafes, restaurants, beaches, resorts), cooking "signature" dishes.
Joint holidays and weekends.
Present.
Mutual help and support: for example, when one of the partners is faced with a very large training or workload.

Robinson B. E. To Marry or Not to Marry? Psychology Today and Brian Robinson:

Eat regular meals at the same time with your gadgets aside.
Develop spiritually and intellectually together. For example, practice meditation, attend online educational events, or read.
Find a place to relax that will bring up fond memories of your time together. Return there regularly.
Create holiday traditions that both of you enjoy. For example, celebrate the New Year at home in a warm company (or even together).

British psychologist and co-founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy Sue Johnson complements Johnson S. Hold me tight. 7 dialogues for love for life. M. 2017 this list with the following guidelines:

Hug regularly and mindfully; hold hands; kiss when you wake up and go to bed, leave the house and come back. Touches and hugs, especially those of people we care about, are good for our health.
Write each other notes and letters. This is especially important when you are temporarily breaking up or recovering from an argument.
Have a heart-to-heart talk about anything you want or need to discuss. You can set aside a special time for this.
Find special moments just for the two of you. For example, you can have breakfast in bed on weekends, making sure no one is disturbing you.
Date regularly. At least once a month.
Praise each other for even the smallest accomplishments.
Feel free to talk about how you love each other and how happy you are to be together, including in public.

Of course, the secret to a strong and lasting relationship is not limited to rituals alone. Nevertheless, they can make your union stronger and your feelings warmer. Therefore, do not neglect the opportunity to spend more time together, do not rush to discard family traditions and love each other.

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