6 ways to make a good impression on the other person

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 03:44

An excerpt from the book "Easy to Speak!" will tell you what non-verbal signals to use to feel confident and make the conversation easier.

A confident person is perceived by others as friendly. If people feel comfortable and safe in your company, they are more likely to speak to you. Therefore, you need to learn how to send signals of friendliness and sociability.

The author of Making Contact, Arthur Wassmer, coined the acronym SOFTEN to help people remember how to send signals of friendliness. Agree, it's a good idea to always have an easy way to deal with your anxiety at your fingertips. In this case, we use the prefrontal cortex to control the emotional expression of our more primitive and emotional brain. The method may seem simple, but it is based on the opposition between the mind and the emotions within us.

So, let's decipher the abbreviation. Let these rules help you better manage your non-verbal cues.

1. Smile

There is nothing unexpected about this tip. But how long have you seen your smile in the mirror? Sometimes what looks like a smile to you, people perceive as a grin or something worse. You think you are smiling, but your eyes are motionless and your mouth is curved in a funny way. Take a close look at your face when you really smile. You will notice that your entire face is lifting, especially the muscles around your eyes.

If you only smile with your mouth like cartoon characters, it looks insincere. Practice in front of the mirror to see what facial expressions help you look friendly and cheerful. Better yet, study an unadorned photo of yourself (not a posed selfie) to see how others see you. You have read other people's emotions on their faces more than once, so you will definitely cope with this task.

Smile at people sincerely when you meet, otherwise you will be remembered as gloomy and sullen.

2. Take an Open Posture

An open pose is a pose in which your body is turned towards whoever you are communicating with. The arms and legs are not crossed, the head and body are turned towards the interlocutor. Spread your shoulders and turn your feet towards him. Just do not stand still, otherwise you will seem tense. Be casual: be open, affable and “unarmed”.

3. Bend over to the interlocutor (Forward Lean)

During a conversation, bend over to the other person or move closer to him. This will express sympathy and attention to the words of the interlocutor. (In English, the word list, which is consonant with the verb listen, means "bend over." To end a conversation, simply take a step back or deviate from the other person. If a tall person does not bend over and lowers his head so that it is more convenient to communicate, the interlocutor feels alienated and even a kind of contempt.

If you are that very tall person, then you may not notice it until someone tells you. Remember to lean towards people while talking.

4. Touch the interlocutor (Touch)

The topic of touch will be especially interesting for men. But let's be careful. Only touch people when it seems appropriate; if in doubt, don't do it. Each culture has its own rules of when and which parts of the interlocutor's body can be touched. So be smart about touching and take a close look at this question. For example, in America, kisses and hugs when meeting people are excluded. You can only lightly touch the other person's hand - from elbow to shoulder (but not grab him!). You say, "If there are so many rules, why talk about touch at all?" The point is that touch is an important non-verbal signal for effective communication.

Perhaps the most important form of physical contact in society is the handshake. Take this gesture seriously. Rest assured that people remember your handshake from the first meeting. A handshake is a form of greeting and making contact. Take the time to learn how to shake hands properly. (Ladies, I am addressing you separately. Ask someone to honestly evaluate your handshake. You will not be taken seriously if, when you meet, you stretch out a limp hand, like a soft rag, and expect the other person to shake it.)

If you are sitting, you have to stand up to shake hands. The first are usually women and men of higher social status and senior officials. A woman's handshake is no different from a man's. (When shaking hands, make sure your palm is not smeared with the fat of the chicken wing you recently dined.)

As you reach out for a handshake, direct it so that the part of your palm between your thumb and forefinger touches the same part of the interlocutor's palm. Then shake his hand. I suggest you practice with your friends first.

The quality of communication depends on how you behave during the conversation. Learn to say hello and introduce yourself by looking into the other person's eyes and remembering his name. And smile. There is so much to consider! Now do you understand why it is better to exercise at home first? Observe how others behave during a conversation, put yourself in their place and replay these situations in your imagination. It will be more beneficial than you might imagine. Once you succeed, it's done. Once you have learned, you will not lose this skill.

5. Make eye contact

Eye contact is not a glimpse, but it is also not a long game of staring. You study the face of the interlocutor and pick up visual cues that convey the meaning of his words and his emotions. Each person's face is capable of expressing many emotions, and you can learn to "read" people by their faces. Through eye contact, you show that you are open to communication. After all, when describing a friendly person, we say that he has an "open face".

Eye contact helps you focus on the other person, demonstrates openness and friendliness, and also communicates your responsiveness. If you usually look away, try to catch the other person's eye next time. Otherwise, you create a serious obstacle to the development of friendships.

In my office, I sometimes record conversations with clients so that they can look at themselves from the outside. They are shocked by what they see: while talking, they look at the ceiling or their knees. Do you think they are aware of where their gaze is directed? They have no idea! They are focused on their thoughts, and not on the face and reactions of the interlocutor, which, of course, repels the latter. Those who cannot look people in the eyes are usually the last to know about all the news, since they do not strive for mutual understanding with others. Perhaps you have now realized that these words apply to you as well. Are you surprised? You probably need help to break the habit of hiding your eyes.

The eyes can express uncertainty or indifference. But it's best not to look in the eyes for too long. Long, direct gaze implies aggression and makes people feel uncomfortable. This fear is biological in nature and we inherited from our animal ancestors. If you are traveling to Rwanda to see wild gorillas, you will be advised to avoid direct eye contact, especially with males. Otherwise, they may feel threatened and attack.

Plus, eye contact is also a sign of a very close relationship. Have you ever seen a couple in love? Notice how long and carefully they look into each other's eyes and how dilated their pupils are. This is the ultimate expression of a strong emotional connection.

How to learn to look people in the eyes more often?

• During the next conversation, deliberately look the other person in the eye. Of course, this will not be easy to do. Old habits come up again when you are fully engaged in a conversation. But try it anyway. (It's very creepy to talk to a wall - please don't be it.)
• Try looking at the person's eyebrows or the bridge of the nose. This is almost eye contact and a good start. Gradually, you will get rid of the habit of lowering or averting your eyes.

I want to warn you: if you look at the room behind the interlocutor's back, he will certainly perceive it as your unwillingness to communicate. He may be offended or even offended (for more on how to politely end a conversation, see Chapter 17). Give the person your full attention as you interact with them. If during a conversation you are looking for someone else with your eyes, be sure to inform the interlocutor about this, even if he does not know who you are looking for. Say politely:

• "Sorry, I'm a little distracted: I'm trying to find my wife."
• “I need to talk to Martina before she leaves. I hope you don't mind if I look around from time to time."
• “If you spot the bride before me, please let me know. I want to dance with her before I leave."

I often use the large photographs that hang in my office to teach eye contact when speaking or speaking in public. I ask clients to retell a fragment of their speech: while uttering a phrase, he should look into the eyes of the person in the photo. Then you need to look at the next photo and say another phrase. Etc.

Practice making eye contact with people in photographs. I agree, this method may seem strange, but it will help you become more confident in yourself. And most importantly, you will get rid of the habit of looking at one point or averting your eyes during communication. Keep practicing until you learn: It is not enough to do the exercise once.

6. Nod

A nod is a physical response to a statement. Light nods soothe and cheer: they show that you are listening to the interlocutor and understand what he is talking about. If you don't agree with your body language in any way, the other person will feel uncomfortable. You will appear apathetic and arrogant, which, of course, will nullify the conversation.

Let's list six simple rules (SOFTEN formula) again:

1. Smile;
2. Take an open pose;
3. Lean over to the interlocutor;
4. Touch the interlocutor;
5. Make eye contact;
6. Nod.

Many have told me that these rules helped them realize their ability to be friendly and kind. They have learned to worry less about how others perceive them and to watch closely to see if they are sending friendly signals. By following these rules, you:

• control your unconscious behavior in order to appear friendly and sociable to others;
• manage yourself and purposefully send signals that attract people to you and help them trust you;
• turn Them into Us.

We did a great job!

Observe the non-verbal cues of others to learn the ways people use to communicate without words. Try one of them on your next conversation. By fixing these rules in your behavioral memory, you will gradually bring them to automatism. If you want to seem like an open person to people, remember the SOFTEN formula. If you are shy and withdrawn, you will love that people will start talking to you.

Find other tips to help you communicate in a relaxed way and make you a master of small talk in Easy Speaking! Its author Carol Fleming is a communication specialist, speech therapist, and speech technique coach in the past. She will tell you how to turn an empty conversation into an interesting one, tell about yourself, and also raise sociable children.