How to change your lifestyle without bullying yourself

You've probably noticed how difficult it is to instill good habits in yourself. Go to bed early, exercise regularly, and eat healthy foods. The first week usually goes well - we push ourselves to do the right thing - but then it gets harder to maintain that lifestyle. After two to three weeks, most give up.

At the same time, for some reason, all this is easy for people who live by these rules. They even somehow enjoy regular jogging, early waking ups, and fruit smoothies for breakfast.

Many believe that such behavior requires incredible willpower, and if someone cannot adhere to a regime, then they simply do not have it. But the truth is, self-discipline doesn't have to be painful.

To become healthy and productive, it is much better not to mock yourself, but, on the contrary, to do what you like.

Here are a few steps to help you get there.

1. Forget about willpower

Historically, it is considered a virtue to deny yourself pleasure. The monks took a vow of silence, locked themselves in cells for years, the soldiers rushed into battle at the first request of the monarch. This mindset has seeped into the productivity arena as well. Many believe that self-discipline must necessarily be accompanied by suffering, denial of their emotions and desires with the help of iron willpower. The concept of will is intertwined with morality. We are sure that if someone fails to force himself to go through hardship, then he is a bad person.

This approach made sense in the Middle Ages: it helped regulate society. People controlled themselves at least a little and were less likely to succumb to animal instincts.

But in our time, the attitude "self-discipline = suffering" is outdated and only harms those who want to become better. It makes us feel ashamed and think that if we indulge our desires, rather than deny ourselves them, then we are very bad people. Apparently, the idea is that at some point we will be so filled with self-loathing that we will easily submit to the “correct” principles. Needless to say, it doesn't work.

2. Stop being ashamed

Self-discipline through shame and suppression of desires can only bear fruit for a very short time. Then it backfires - often destructive.

Shame is stress. At some point, he reaches a critical point, and then a person faces a choice. The first option is to finally succumb to desires. It dampens attraction, but increases shame. The second option is to dull the inner conflict. Some use obvious ways: alcohol, parties, drugs. Others watch TV 14 hours a day. Still others seize tension or go headlong into work.

But that doesn't work either, because shame cannot be suppressed. It simply changes shape and becomes an unhealthy attachment. People begin to relate to the chosen method of distraction almost religiously, lose physical and mental health.

Self-discipline through shame leads to self-destruction. Lifestyle changes need to be motivated for a long time, and there is only one way to do this - making the new habits enjoyable to follow. You need to cooperate with your emotions, not resist them.

3. Accept yourself

To change your behavior, you first need to stop hating yourself for bad habits. Going to bed at 1 a.m. every day, ordering pizza every week, skipping workouts, or spending tons of time playing video games doesn't make you a bad person.

Accepting yourself means realizing that you are capable of changing in the future and that, most likely, you lost a lot of time in the past. And this is a very unpleasant discovery.

But as soon as you separate your emotions from moral judgments, you can understand yourself and understand what problem you have been trying to escape from all this time. Why are you drawn to junk food? Why don't you want to give up cigarettes? What fears are you trying to suppress? Find the answers to these questions and embrace this unhealthy part of yourself.

The need to run away from fear will disappear and you can start caring for yourself. More importantly, you will enjoy the “right” lifestyle.

4. Take care of yourself

So, you stopped considering yourself a terrible person and accepted the existence of some kind of shame and fear within yourself. What's next?

You will begin to treat yourself normally. Perhaps even love yourself. This means that you will probably want to take care of yourself, because a normal person, unlike a bad person, deserves care. Willpower is no longer useful to you. You will want to live a healthy life simply because it feels great.

There is fruit and it is pleasant to understand that your body is becoming healthier. Keeping your body in good physical shape is pleasant. Not eating chips, drinking alcohol, or playing video games is also nice.

You are no longer trying to escape or suppress your fears. And you no longer have to mock yourself to live the life you want.