What are the consequences of training for men

2024 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-13 00:26

You want to become a brutal "alpha", but you get an adrenaline rush for a couple of days and a tangle of mental problems.

This article is part of the Auto-da-fe project. In it, we declare war on everything that prevents people from living and becoming better: breaking laws, believing in nonsense, deceit and fraud. If you've come across a similar experience, share your stories in the comments.

Is it true that men don't cry? And can they overwhelm a mammoth and bend the rail with their bare hands? And they also know how to be a woolen wolf and please women. And also …

There are so many questions for men that they themselves do not know the answers to them. And in search of truth, they go to trainings, where presenters of varying degrees of charisma teach how to become a "real man" in just three days. A successful result is the ability to give the offender in the eye and bring a woman to orgasm with a smile and the scent of cologne.

Few people warn that any transformation of consciousness should occur smoothly. For this, for example, people undergo psychotherapy. For a long time, sometimes for more than one year, they delve into themselves.

When a person is forcibly taken away in three days everything that he has been saving for years (albeit not entirely effective, but working), and instead are given fresh, undigested attitudes, this can become a real disaster for the psyche.

As if you had eaten semolina without lumps for breakfast all your life, and then you were served raw roots and said: "Now gnaw them every morning, they have the energy of the Earth in them."

In general, the consequences can really bring tears to even the most brutal "alpha male".

Sexism

Almost all trainings for "real men" are based on homebuilding. The woman is considered a lower-order being, and the man is a phallic deity. The correct masculine belief, according to coach Alex Leslie, is: "Feminine is to be a slave and to obey, and masculine is to be dominant."

A "real man" must be a male. And the male must be cunning, find weak spots in the woman, increase his importance and, at the most unexpected moment for the victim, hit her right in the heart.

Coach Pavel Rakov (by the way, he also conducts women's trainings) says Pavel Rakov reveals a secret about the Men's training "Armageddon", which in his course "Armageddon" teaches to bring women to orgasm with their eyes. A woman is designated as an inanimate object, spineless, spineless, always ready for copulation and does not require anything in return.

As a rule, men who are going through a life crisis come to the training. They feel that they cannot cope on their own and seek outside support. By taking these beliefs on faith, you can doom yourself to chronic problems in your relationship. And this is at best, at worst - for depression.

If there is a woman who needs a relationship with a “male”, then in order to retain power, a man will have to go out of his way to prove his masculinity.

After all, kicking off your feet and being able to spit the farthest is not enough to always remain a "real man".

Today, society recognizes the importance of personality, not gender. Sexist beliefs make a person an outcast among educated progressive people. And for a healthy relationship, it's important to be psychologically flexible and intelligently manage your masculine and feminine qualities.

Neurotization

The very fact that another man, but of a “higher rank,” teaches to be an independent man, is a paradox. Of course, you can dig into psychoanalysis and see in the coach the father figure who sets the laws and orders.

In many trainings, the structure is as follows: a rigid image of a "real man" is given and tasks that must be completed. That is, a "strong and independent" man is invited to be an obedient boy: to take the lowest place in the hierarchy and to follow orders without complaint in the hope of avoiding punishment and receiving praise.

This is a classic double bind. For the first time, the American psychiatrist Gregory Bateson spoke about double bindings in 1956 in his book The Ecology of Mind. He studied families with children with schizophrenia, and found that the basis of communication in such families - mutually contradictory instructions. A double bind is a situation when a significant person for the victim imputes to her a duty that cannot be fulfilled due to a contradiction. At the same time, the impossibility of execution does not at all release the victim from punishment.

The double bind situation drives a person into a corner, forms an internal conflict and subsequently leads to the development of neurosis. A man attending trainings finds himself under pressure, he accumulates dissatisfaction with himself.

Bateson put it this way: "A double bind is a struggle over the question of whose ego will be destroyed." This does not add to either physical or mental health.

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Maladaptation

Why is it dangerous to start a new life on Monday? It would seem that I went to the training and woke up as a different person. But the psyche of each is unique and is also made up of a set of defense mechanisms that we acquire with experience.

This protection has an understandable and important function - to help us adapt to the world around us and not go crazy. Over the course of our lives, we are faced with new demands on ourselves, and our habitual behavior does not always help to cope with unpleasant experiences. We hear “you have to,” but we don't know what to do, and because of this we get nervous, lose confidence in ourselves, feel helpless, afraid of losing respect.

Defense mechanisms help to cope with anxiety. They do not always contribute to development, sometimes even inhibit it, but they stand on the protection of our ego.

During trainings, psychological defense is revealed, and in its place either an emptiness remains, or other, destructive mechanisms appear.

For example, a person has always believed that aggression is bad. And he replaced this unacceptable quality for him with compliance and non-conflict. Or he sublimated (that is, he removed internal tension in socially approved ways): he painted in oils or watched a criminal chronicle. And at the training it turned out that he was a "weakling and a rag", that a "real man" should not be obedient.

The man was told: “Dude, what are you ?! It’s bad to drive out hostility.” But they did not have time to teach how to express aggression correctly, and to consolidate this new skill. Or they didn't want to.

If a person does not have enough ways of alternative behavior in stock, then he becomes very vulnerable, up to the loss of self-identity, that is, a sense of himself. In place of emptiness, destructive defense mechanisms come: somatization of anxiety (body diseases) or emotional discharge due to the vivid manifestation of feelings. The latter mechanism is the basis for the development of alcohol and drug addiction, as well as aggression and suicide attempts.

Any change in established beliefs should take place gradually, in the therapist's office, and not during a spontaneous meeting in the assembly hall. Even if it's called training.

Disability

No, this is not about physical injury. Although there are stories on the Internet about how training for "real men" turned out to be the last in life.

It's about the loss of functionality. How does this happen? A man who is confident in himself, relying solely on his opinion, is unlikely to go to training. Well, perhaps for the sake of curiosity.

People come to such events with a shaken self-identity and the question “Who am I, in fact, am I?”, With anxiety and fear of the unknown.

Instead of working on building confidence in oneself, self-acceptance, on the search for internal guidelines, a person receives instructions, following which he feels his significance and even receives praise.

Men with rejection traumas Experienced relationships in which the person was disliked, rejected, betrayed. it is very pleasant, but this approach forms dependence on the coach. A person continues to live relying not on himself, but on external means. He gets used to relying on the coach or his philosophy in everything and cannot make decisions on his own. He does not need to strain, smart people thought of everything for him. This is called disability.

Psychological trauma

Participants in some trainings say they have to face humiliating ordeals during which they experience a tremendous sense of shame at their own weakness. The author of "Armageddon" Pavel Rakov claims that "70% of the training is war", and says that there were cases when people "ran away from fear", and some even "wrote". Sometimes it comes to real threats of physical violence against those who dare to tell the truth about the "test for masculinity."

Thus, participation in the training - stressful, acute emotional impact - causes significant harm to mental health. The most traumatic event for the psyche is the threat of death to the person himself and his loved ones, but the experience of humiliation, fear and helplessness inflicts no less harm on mental balance.

The psyche of each person is unique. Someone cannot be frightened with death, but the earth is leaving from under their feet due to the fact that they could not push up from the floor on an equal basis with other participants.

The category of people most vulnerable to psychotrauma includes those men who come to training without feeling confident in themselves. They can be educated, gallant, smart and talented, but they lack fortitude and psychological security.

The consequences of such "transformations into a man" appear in a couple of weeks. The person falls into a feeling of total defeat, the conviction "I am a loser" is imprinted on his consciousness. The results may be different: deterioration of health, apathy, refusal to follow the norms of social life, aggressiveness and irritability, problems in intimate life, alcoholism.

Codependency

The training hierarchy draws the participant into the so-called Karpman triangle - a model of codependent behavior described by American psychiatrist Stephen Karpman. There are three roles in it: Victim, Aggressor and Rescuer.

The victim becomes the visitor of the training, and the trainer acts as the Aggressor or Rescuer.

Karpman's dramatic triangle is dangerous because it reinforces the “Victim - Aggressor - Rescuer” scenario, which underlies destructive codependent relationships. In this scenario, neither side experiences happiness: the Victim spends energy on resentment and dissatisfaction with life, the Aggressor - on experiencing anger, and the Rescuer - on reanimating the victim after another scrape.

Participants in codependent relationships are characterized by:

• unrestrained, defiant behavior;
• the desire to humiliate another, to cause him a feeling of shame;
• blaming others for their own problems;
• hanging on other labels (remember "you are a male!" or "you are a rag!");
• the habit of abruptly breaking off contact in the midst of a conflict situation;
• suppression of one's own feelings;
• competition for power, the desire to resolve conflicts on the basis of the victory of one and the loss of the other;
• using money, sex, or guilt as leverage to control another person.

Each of us encounters the Karpman triangle every day: we ourselves or someone from our acquaintances criticizes another (Aggressor), gives advice (Rescuer) or complains about injustice (Victim). When this interaction becomes a habit, it leads to a kind of addiction in relationships with other people.

How does this happen? Each of us has our own psychological needs: someone feels insecure and draws self-respect from the outside, someone needs to be needed, “to save”, someone asserts himself at the expense of humiliating others. This is how we take on certain roles in relationships.

In the case of trainings, participants who need a mentor may become dependent on the facilitator, who appears to be the bearer of valuable knowledge that bestows well-being.

To protect yourself from participating in such a "game", you need to take the position of the Observer. To do this, it is useful to look at the situation from the outside and ask yourself questions: "What does a person achieve when provoking me to emotions?", "Does this happen at my will or against my will?"

None of us are perfect, and the need to become better for any person is quite natural. But if you really care about your mental comfort and want to develop, you better find a good therapist. Not in three days or even in three months, but it will help you feel real, alive. It will support you while you are clumsy to steer, every now and then getting into the pits.

This path does not necessarily lead you to the colorful, illuminating "inner New York". It may well turn out that you will arrive in a small, but your own inner town, where you are warm and comfortable.