Table of contents:
- 1. Appearance
- 2. Actions in the past
- 3. Nutrition
- 4. Personal life
- 5. Reproductive plans
- 6. Raising children
- 7. Expression of feelings
- 8. Hobbies
- 9. Health
- 10. Waste of money
2023 Author: Malcolm Clapton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-07-28 10:38
Remember that silence is golden, and the word is not a sparrow, especially when it comes to the personal choice of other people.
Any advice is only appropriate if asked. It is worth taking this rule literally, even if the advisor is driven by the best motives. Unsolicited recommendations rarely help, but they often hurt the addressee and spoil the relationship. Moreover, there are issues on which it is better not to speak out and keep your mouth shut especially diligently.
- You are very attractive! I would have straightened my hair, I would have been a beauty in general.
- What a stupid beard fashion! Shave, do not disgrace!
Anyone at home probably has a mirror, so he knows what he looks like. And here two options are possible:
- He likes everything.
- He doesn't like everything about himself, but he doesn't want to be poked with it. It doesn't matter if he is working on fixing the flaws and whether they can, in principle, be corrected.
Appearance is a matter of taste. Any comment on it is essentially no advice, and it is hardly made out of good intentions. Rather, it is a direct message: “I don't like the way you look. You should only look the way I like."
But the trick is that no one is obliged to please everyone, without exception. And it is even more naive to expect that someone will straighten their hair, shave off their beards, have plastic surgery on their nose and not wear shorts, if only others are happy with it.
2. Actions in the past
- And you just left? If I were you, I would arrange this!
- You shouldn't have done this, and nothing would have happened.
If you don't have a time machine at hand, this is extremely tactless advice. Their addressee has already acted differently. Maybe the decision was not the best, but it cannot be changed. And if its consequences are also sad, then such remarks only "trample" a person deeper in his grief.
Giving advice about stressful situations from the outside while sitting safe is always easier. It is not known how the advisor would actually act, so it is better not to suck up unreasonably against the background of other people's troubles.
- Would you like to eat salad? Don't you like that? Try it, it's delicious, with mayonnaise! Do not refuse, you will definitely like it!
- Stop drinking milk! It is harmful to calves and humans.
Food is a basic need and a very simple way to please yourself. So why not give a person the opportunity to calmly eat what he likes? Maybe he eats this supposedly unhealthy burger once a month, the rest of the time eating exclusively salads with chicken breast, and the comments do not give him pleasure. And all the more, he has the right not to love what seems tasty to other people.
Finally, with extreme caution, one should talk about the dangers and benefits of certain products. If the reasoning is based not on research, but on posts on Instagram, with a high degree of probability, they will spoil a person's appetite for nothing.
4. Personal life
- Why alone? You need to marry for twenty years!
- Be sure to check your husband's phone. What kind of trust? All men cheat, it needs to be controlled.
The decision to marry should be made by two people who ideally love each other, are ready to cope with problems together and live happily ever after. The third opinion is hardly appropriate here. If people do not register a marriage, it is not because they are unaware of such an option and the advisor will now open their eyes, but because they have their own reasons.
Well, when a person is lonely, pestering with such advice is completely stupid. Beautiful and suitable people do not lie on the road, we do not live in a romantic comedy. If you just want to talk, it is better to choose one of the many common interesting topics.
5. Reproductive plans
- A family is not a family without children! Give birth as soon as possible, this is such happiness.
- Where are you with your third child! While the term is short, you can have an abortion.
Perhaps the most common reason to speak out here is the absence of children. But if people do not want children, advice from the outside only annoys them. Usually, when someone begins to give rational reasons in response why he does not have a child, he does it not for himself, but for the interlocutor. Because he is stuck and cannot accept that “I don’t want to” is a sufficient argument. So stories about bunnies, lawns and pink heels fly into the void.
Perhaps one day this person will regret that he was left without children. But it will be much better for everyone than if he regrets having a child. In the end, we are constantly making decisions, the consequences of which are then only for ourselves to deal with.
On the other hand, when a person has children, the source of advice never dries up. He is advised to go for the next one, finally give birth to an heir or a little princess, not to have a second, third, fifth, because "where at your age, you are already 33". But here, too, everything has already been decided without outsiders, so giving advice is just a waste of time.
6. Raising children
- Is this your kid with a tablet? Do not give him gadgets, will grow up a drug addict.
- And put on a hat, put on a hat!
Usually, advisors make recommendations based on their experience. But in any case, it is too little, even if the well-wisher raised ten of his own children, because they are all different.
Even babies are not like each other. One lies quietly in the cradle, waking up only to eat. Usually their mothers like to reproach others for complaining in vain, because parenting is so easy. Another baby screams from morning till night, if the whole family, including the great-niece of the dog Sharik, is not dancing around him squatting. And the advice of the parents of a calm child will not help them much.
The older the child gets, the more the difference becomes apparent and the less relevant other people's advice will be. And the parents are all the more inflated by them, because every second strives to tell how to properly raise their children. So giving advice here is how to throw mints in Coca-Cola: a highly explosive and completely useless exercise.
7. Expression of feelings
- It doesn't look like you're in grief. You have to sit at home and cry to be believed.
- You shouldn't be angry, this is stupid.
Feelings are the body's natural response to an event. They help analyze the situation and develop a pattern for how to deal with this in the future. Suppressing emotions is generally useless, they will still look for a way out, only with a sense of guilt and shame in the load. As a result, a person can get mental problems.
And there is certainly no single right way to respond to a situation. Someone is angry, someone is crying, someone is laughing - all this is normal.
- Package tour by the sea? Who might be interested in this? Ride better into the Amazon jungle.
- "Avengers" for morons. Now I will send you a list of films that decent people should watch.
Tastes could not be discussed. Although, of course, this is the easiest way to feel better against the background of another person - to consider yourself smarter due to the fact that you like something conditionally elite. But the addressee of the council does exactly what he wants, and this is already admirable - not everyone can afford it.
- Urine therapy helps well from this.
- An antibiotic puncture, and everything will pass.
The only acceptable health advice is to tell the person, "Go to the doctor," in response to a person's complaints. An exception is if the advisor is a specialized doctor himself and has access to a complete medical history. Otherwise, the recommendations may not only not help, but also harm or lead to the loss of precious time, which is of great importance in a situation with some diseases.
10. Waste of money
- Why do you need this iPhone? Better buy a new refrigerator!
- You have to live while you live! What to save?
In general, at Lifehacker we also like to give recommendations on how best to spend money, and we keep a whole story about it. But it works like this: if the reader is interested in a topic, he himself will choose from the articles suitable advice for himself.
When one person tells another how to spend money, but he didn’t ask for it, it makes him accountable for his financial decisions. It is okay to require a report only if the person is spending other people's money. For the rest, he is free to dispose of money as he pleases. After all, he earned them precisely in order to satisfy his needs and desires. But - and this is important - no one is obliged to save him, if something goes wrong.
A successful marriage is one where spouses can ask even tough questions. And for him to become like that, you have to look at the relationship through the prism of divorce
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