What is sexting and is it considered cheating?

Sexting is correspondence that involves the exchange of intimate photographs and explicit messages. Sometimes it contains only flirting, and sometimes it turns into a textual imitation of a full-fledged sexual intercourse. There is nothing wrong or shameful about sexting - it can even help maintain long-distance relationships or become a kind of foreplay.

It's just another form of interaction between free adults. But the key word here is "free." If one of the participants in the correspondence scribbles frivolous messages in secret from a regular, non-virtual partner, sexting can become a problem. After all, this is, whatever one may say, treason. Or not? Let's figure it out together.

Can sexting be considered cheating?

About 58% of the respondents said that they exchange messages of an erotic nature. Moreover, men often do this with casual acquaintances, and women with permanent partners.

Lovers of sexting on the side usually say that this is a harmless activity. It's like watching porn or reading an erotic novel: the partner exists only in the form of letters and pixels, there is no physical contact, and there is also a special emotional connection.

Doctor of Psychology Aaron Ben-Zev, based on his practice and communication with clients, believes that it is impossible to give a definite answer whether sexting is cheating. Because each couple decides for themselves. But if one of the partners, having caught the second sexting, feels betrayed, he has every right to do so, and here's why.

In such communication, another living person is still involved, even if he is hiding behind an avatar. And the cheater gets pleasure not from frivolous text on the screen, but from the very fact of interaction with another person. That is why he chooses sexting over porn, erotic books, games or photographs.
Everything is done in secret from the main partner, which means that this is a real betrayal.
Virtual sex can easily turn into real sex. This is exactly what happened for many of the respondents in the 2011 survey.
Virtual sex can turn into falling in love. But this is definitely infidelity, albeit emotional. By the way, it often hurts much more than physical infidelity.

When sexting is not considered cheating

If a permanent partner knows everything. And he gives the go-ahead for such correspondence. Or maybe he himself practices something similar, and in the end it gives both of them pleasure, brings some kind of peppercorn into their life.

But even in such conditions of complete openness, it is important not to drag sexting partners into your real life: not to give a phone number and links to real pages in social networks, not to see them, not to try to establish a relationship with them.

When to watch out

Psychologists have identified several warning signs that sexting is clearly beyond the boundaries of harmless entertainment.

A person is constantly texting with the same virtual partner.
The exchange of frank messages becomes something of an addiction, takes a lot of time and effort, pulls on emotions and warmth that could be invested in a basic relationship with a real partner.
The cheater desperately wants to turn virtual relationships into real ones. It doesn't matter if it's sex or platonic communication.
Sexting has grown into heart-to-heart communication, and the degree of trust and intimacy is very high.
This situation seems wrong to you, hurts, destroys trust in your partner.

If this happens, it means that this format of relations in your couple is impossible, and the "cheater" must start with sexting on the side. Or to break off relations with a regular partner and completely surrender to experiments.

What to do if your partner is sexting

And you absolutely do not like it.

Psychologists advise to talk to the "guilty" partner.

Discuss what happened, why he is doing this, and how long has it been going on.
Share how you feel about this: pain, resentment, disappointment, feeling like you've been betrayed.
Explaining what is like that in a relationship is unacceptable for you for a number of reasons.
Finding out exactly what the partner is trying to get by texting with strangers online: thrills, for example, or doses of self-confidence.
Ponder why he is not receiving all this in his current relationship, and think about how each of you can fix it. Spend more time together, diversify your sex life, compliment more often, or even try sexting with each other.

If your partner agrees with your reasons and doesn't write to anyone else, great. But if he is not going to give up his hobby and the situation repeats itself over and over again, it may be worth considering whether you need a relationship in which there is no respect and trust for each other.

And remember that no matter who you correspond with, a regular partner or a stranger from the Internet, you should always be careful. After all, a stranger can turn out to be a fraud and even a once close person, in the event of a conflict, can begin to blackmail you with intimate materials or put them on public display out of revenge. The life hacker has already written how to make sexting safe (you can read it here).