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10 steps for women to overcome love addiction
10 steps for women to overcome love addiction
Anonim

If love and suffering are inseparable for a woman, then she loves too much. This thesis is put forward by the author of the bestselling "Women Who Love Too Much" Robin Norwood. In her book, she describes the causes of love addiction and offers a program to overcome it.

10 steps for women to overcome love addiction
10 steps for women to overcome love addiction

In Women Who Love Too Much, Robin Norwood notes that a huge number of women are obsessed with the idea of love. But they take anything for her, except for a real feeling: a destructive passion, an addiction, dependence on a partner.

Such women choose the indifferent and who "punish" them, or the problematic ones who always need to be saved. They go headlong into relationships and, even realizing the destructiveness of such a connection, they cannot break it.

According to the author, the main reason for this problem is the wrong model of relationships obtained in childhood.

If a girl has mastered a destructive model, then in the future she will perceive destructive relationships as the norm. On the contrary, she will consider a harmonious union boring, because it will not have the usual intensity of passions in it.

A woman can fall into a love trap with inveterate frequency. To break the vicious circle, Robin Norwood offers a 10-step program.

1. Get help

First of all, you need to realize that you cannot cope with the problem on your own, and ask for help. This step involves various actions: choosing the appropriate book, talking on the psychological support hotline, making an appointment with a psychotherapist, or even calling the police. At the same time, seeking help, like other steps, does not require breaking the existing relationship.

2. Make recovery a top priority

To, you need to concentrate all your efforts on solving the problem. For this, be ready to sacrifice time and money, engage in self-education, give up alcohol and drugs during therapy. From now on, your transformation is more important than meeting a man, his possible negative reaction, your desire for someone's approval or desire to unwind, that is, to forget about the problem.

3. Join a self-help group

Communication with people who have similar problems to yours is essential. You will feel that you are not alone, you will take a fresh look at your difficulties and, perhaps, remember forgotten events and feelings. Plus, as you begin to accept others with their flaws, you will become more tolerant of yourself.

Ideally, the group should be selected based on your problem. There are groups of alcoholics and drug addicts; associations for those who have been in a relationship with alcohol or drug addicts; groups for victims of violence and incest. You can also create your own association or come to a meeting that does not quite match your problem.

4. Develop spirituality with daily practice

Developing spirituality does not necessarily mean going into religion. In this case, you need to understand what brings you peace of mind. This can be a leisurely walk, contemplation of nature, or drawing.

Such a daily activity is necessary to listen to yourself and see the world from a new angle.

5. Give up control and leadership over a man

By controlling and deciding for the other, you accept responsibility for someone else's life. And besides, you expend energy that you could spend on yourself. From now on, you give your partner the right to be responsible for your choice, and yourself - for yours. Also, do not try to praise and cheer him up - this can be hidden manipulation.

6. Stop getting involved in "games"

By "games" Robin Norwood means stereotypical relationships that arise in the psychological. It has three roles: savior, pursuer and victim, each of which is played by both partners alternately. Your task is to stop responding to the manifestations of a particular behavioral model and get out of the triangle. It will make it easier each time.

7. Take a look at your problems and shortcomings

Women who are addicted to love tend to blame others for their misfortunes. At this stage, you need to accept responsibility for your mistakes (and at the same time - the possibility of free choice).

To do this, Norwood advises making a list of the most problematic areas in your life. Then describe in detail the problem, your shortcomings, flaws, experiences. This can take a lot of time and notebooks. When the work is over, read the text to a close and understanding person (but not your partner). He shouldn't give advice or encourage you - just listen.

8. Develop personal needs

You need to decide what you want and start putting it into practice. Don't count on your partner's support - just yourself.

New job, education, travel? It's time to do what you've been putting off for so long.

Robin Norwood notes that it can be difficult for addicted women to understand their desires. In this case, she advises:

  • Try a new activity every week.
  • Do two unpleasant things every day. For example, refuse someone or return a defective product to a store.
  • Give yourself a gift every day. Let it be a small trinket - the main thing is that you like it.

9. Become selfish

necessary for the rejection of martyrdom. You should now always put your desires, work, and plans first. You should demand that the relationship is comfortable for you, and not try to adjust to uncomfortable ones.

In doing so, you must also empower others to fulfill their own needs. Thus, you will feel the value of your life, accept responsibility for it and will not try to fix someone else's.

10. Share your experiences and experiences with others

The last step should be taken when you feel that you have completely freed yourself from addiction.

In your self-help group, share your experience, tell newcomers what path you have gone through. There should be no advice, guidance, control, or desire to please in this story - these are all stages passed. Speak honestly and fluently. This practice will not allow you to slip back into a destructive state, as well as teach you to give something to others without thinking about personal gain.

Almost everything we gave when we loved too much was actually manipulation in our own interests. Now we are free and can give freely.

Robin Norwood

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