8 commandments for those who want to learn how to say "no"

Disgusting feeling when you want to say "no", but it does not work. We agree to get rid of it as quickly as possible. But the retribution for consent makes it even worse: now we are burdened by the role of a victim, a hostage of our own weak character. Eight working tips will help you change the situation.

1. Remember: you cannot please everyone

"You can't be everyone's lifesaver" is the first rule to repeat until it changes your behavior. If there is no clear line, how and when you should say no, expect moral exhaustion. By rejecting other people, you risk ruining your relationship with them, but you will not be used.

2. Don't forget your interests

Each coin has a flip side: a short "no" to one thing is nothing more than a capacious "yes" to something else. Just think about the things that you can do if you don’t shift the worries to yourself. With this approach, the feeling of guilt will go away and no longer remind of itself.

3. Avoid making excuses

As a rule, we want to back up our refusal with a large portion of reasons and details. But it's better to be simple and concise. If you go into details, you run the risk of making a slip, getting confused, or exposing yourself to insincerity. Here you have to agree, and this is not included in your plans.

4. Think and prepare for rejection in advance

The strategy is to be always on the alert. You can prepare a chain of questions ahead of time to help you find a good reason to refuse. For example, take a break and ask yourself: do you have time for this, is it profitable for you, what are the risks to the relationship with the person? Then answer “no” confidently, but not harshly.

5. Analyze how your decision was influenced before

Each of us has said “yes” many times in the same type of situations with the same people. You are constantly being pushed down this beaten track, and it's time to learn how to turn off it. Admit that dirty tricks are being used against you and that they are trying to manipulate you. Remain calm and move confidently to the side.

6. Do not make up synonyms, for you there is only "no"

Limit your vocabulary to one word no. Forget maybe, maybe, and even nope. Strength - in unambiguity, even a hint of misinterpretation should not be allowed. Your pun is being interpreted by the other side as an unsure yes. Only an unmistakable “no” is acceptable.

7. Suggest an alternative

It happens that people turn to you out of despair when ideas run out and the solution to a problem is covered in fog. In such a situation, you act as a guardian angel, who knows better from above. Evaluate the question from your bell tower and suggest an alternative. Sow a thought in someone else's head, and the person will be grateful to you for the fact that you, in fact, refused.

8. Beware of Apologies

Do not think, to say something like "I'm sorry" is still worth it. But bending your back in a bow is already unnecessary. We exaggerate because your courtesy may be mistaken for weakness. You are flint, and your no is unshakable.